The posters I remember from my ‘Wonder Years’
Not social media “posters,” the big photographs that decorated the walls of 11-year-old kids. A few lessons from a trip down Memory Lane …
In my last post on Stephen Colbert, I added a caption that depicts quotes of other celebrity dunces who earned their more-virtuous-than-thou merit badges by attacking the unvaccinated vermin of society.
I admitted that, when I was 11, I had several posters of the rock band KISS. One of the two front men for KISS is fire-breathing bassist Gene Simmons, who now attacks his fans who didn’t get vaccinated. To Simmons, these Americans should now be considered “the enemy.”
In my caption, I said I wish I could go back in time and take down my KISS posters - but definitely leave up my poster of Farah Fawcett.
It occurred to me a social commentator could make a few observations about changes in America culture by simply performing a memory inventory of said bedroom art, circa 1976.
This essay identifies a few posters I remember from my youth and how I view those pieces of “art” with the benefit of 45 years of real-world experience. (This essay covers my “Wonder Years,” which were roughly between fifth and seventh grades).
There they are. They aren’t the enemy because they got vaccinated …
I do remember displaying several posters of KISS and, don’t tell anyone, I think I once had this one.
It’s weird which conversations stay with you. Once, when I was in sixth grade, my late father was driving myself and two brothers to school. The car conversation was about KISS. All three Rice boys said that KISS was one of the great rock bands in history and would always be considered as such.
Dad, who must have been a contrarian, didn’t buy our arguments. He said this band’s music would not “hold up” or be particularly significant years into the future.
I have to admit Dad was right. I can simply think about the other musical artists who came onto the music scene in the 1970s - whose body of work now blows away that of KISS.
The songs and albums of bands or musicians like The Eagles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Boss, Talking Heads, Billy Joel, Tom Petty, The Police, Steely Dan and even ZZ Top resonate with me far more than the music of KISS.
The Farah Fawcett Phenomena …
When I think back to my 11-year-old self, I wonder what my parents thought about my Farrah Fawcett poster. They must not have been too troubled that their pre-puberty 6th grader had to have a poster of one of the great sexpots of history.
I mean, in sixth grade, I don’t think I’d even kissed a girl yet - and there I was with a poster of Farrah Fawcett, a picture that probably didn’t sell a billion copies to other pre-teenagers because we were interested in swimsuit fashions.
Let’s face it; sex sales - even among those who are years away from sampling the real thing.
Thinking about Miss Fawcett’s fetching smile and perfect hair made me think about the popularity of Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit edition.
That was also a must-buy for 11-year-old boys and this annual edition must have kept this magazine in the black for decades.
Then the magazine started putting guys and transgenders and plus-sized models into their edition … and hardly anyone subscribes to SI any more. Their most popular edition became politically incorrect, which also kept many comely models from marketing their own swimsuit posters to a new generation.
Half my posters were of sports figures
I also had several sports posters. The most popular one of the era might have been Dr. J skying for a slam dunk. I of course had that poster. I must have thought one day I would be able to dunk a basketball. I was wrong about that, or I just admired the artistry of people who could.
I also had a Snake Stabler poster from his days with the Raiders. In addition to being a former Bama QB, The Snake was kind of an outlaw and so I can see early signs that, even then, I was drawn to mavericks.
One of my favorite posters depicted my great hero - Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. The headline on this poster said, “The Bear Wants You.” It was a knock-off of “Uncle Sam Wants You.” It showed two little boys - one black and one white - with shakers and Cokes in their hands - dreaming about playing for Coach Bryant one day.
Those boys symbolized me. The poster also includes an image of a comely Bama cheerleader, which is probably another reason we all wanted to play for Coach Bryant and Bama. If all our dreams came true, maybe we could one day date that cheerleader.
My parents later got that vintage poster framed and it hung on a wall in my house into my 40s. For some inexplicable reason (probably because I needed the money), I sold that poster at an estate sale. I’m still kicking myself for that.
Showing your humor with bedroom art …
Some of my bedroom art was displayed to illustrate my twisted humor.
I remember I had a poster of “the driving of the golden spike.” The punchline was that when the railroad tracks from the east and the west finally merged … the tracks didn’t align - and a train engine was getting ready to plow through all the people who had come to celebrate this historic event.
The caption simply showed one person, uttering two words: “Oh, shit.”
This is still funny to me, but what stands out today is that my parents allowed me to have a poster that had a cuss word in it. They probably couldn’t say anything because (I guess I can reveal this today) they both used that same word from time to time.
I also remember that I had at least one “blacklight” poster. It had some kind of psychedelic art work and had a felt, not glossy, texture. Again, I don’t know why I remember this; I just do. I do remember that, at one time, every mall in America had one store that just sold posters and there was always a blacklight poster section. So they must have been popular.
Today, I think two or three malls in America are still open, but most of them have gone the way of SI and its infamous swimsuit edition.
Movies posters were always popular …
I also had movie posters. I of course had the “Jaws” movie poster, which is also surprising to me today because that famous poster depicts a naked young woman swimming in the ocean who’s getting ready to be eaten by a shark.
I still love the movie, but (don’t tell anybody) I didn’t want that poster for the shark.
I don’t know why, but I also had a poster of the Mel Brooks’ movie “Young Frankenstein.”
Brooks became a widely-popular and successful film maker for producing scripts replete with what would now be politically-incorrect humor.
Thinking about this made me think about the funny “Airplane” movies, scripts which would work in 10 jokes every sixty seconds - half of the jokes that couldn’t be filmed today.
Summarizing my post on posters …
So movies changed, magazines changed and posters changed. And the dang world changed with them.
And our maverick, social-warrior celebrities changed. These guys weren’t really speaking truth to power or weren’t actually that skeptical of “The Man.”
As it turns out, they were happy to go along with the pronouncements of the experts and authority figures. The Man was actually trying to protect us and we should all listen to him.
I changed too. I’m not that 11-year-old boy anymore. I’m a little more jaded. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have bought all the same posters.
But I’d keep that Farrah Fawcett poster. I also appreciate my late parents not censoring my 1976 poster art work. They were just gonna let me figure out things on my own.
***
UPDATE: My old friend (and paid subscriber) Wes Gaylard reminded me I once had a Commodores poster as well. In fact, I used this poster when I ran for class president in 8th grade. I don’t think The Commodores knew they had endorsed me. I can only hope the statute of limitations has expired. I was clearly trying to appeal to the funk and R&B voter, which must have worked because I won .. I wish I wouldn’t have won, because my administration was one debacle after another. I swore off elected politics after that experience.
If you can't generate extra page views by running a photo of the Farrah Fawcett poster, you're just not going to get any extra clicks.
Per my custom, I like to throw in some "cutting room floor" text as "added value" to my subscribers.
This is what I cut today:
I will say that the album “KISS Alive” still holds up and was actually historically significant as it produced two trends that were widely emulated after that - the “live” album and the “double album.”
But here in the back nine of my round of life, I don’t listen to KISS anymore … but I still listen to the music of many of their 1970s contemporaries. Sorry, Gene.