Author’s note: I had only about 900 subscribers when I originally posted this column 17 months ago. I now have almost 6,000, which means most of my readers never saw this little ditty - which is actually one of my favorite pieces. Then again, my sense of humor might be slightly different than some people. Without further comment … my second-ever column re-boot!
***
Before we had Covid proper, we had “Corona,” which was a trade-marked beer so the lawyers said we had to go back to “Covid-19,” which sounded like nothing anyone had ever heard before and reminded some people of a Steely Dan song until we just dropped the number and just had “Covid,” which had a good bite to it …. and, finally, everyone signed off on the name of our pandemic.
But then we had Asymptomatic Covid, Symptomatic Covid, Alpha Covid, Delta Covid, skipped to Omicron Covid, leaving off Chi and Mu Covid but we’ll get to those. Now we have some kind of B-1 and B-2 Vitamin Covids.
Fauci, Biden and half the world got “Rebound Covid.” There’s no telling how many people contracted Iatrogenic Covid and we’ve all been reading for a long time about “Long Covid.” For almost 1,000 days, Zero Covid has been the goal.
All of this got me thinking about all the different names and flavors of Covid, so I couldn’t resist coming up with my own names for different types of Covid. As you can probably tell, these just popped into my head … so I’ve yet to experience Brain-Fog Covid.
Reader submissions are welcome in the Comment section. We do not have Censorship Covid at Bill Rice Jr.’s Newsletter. I placed most of my names into “Covid Categories.”
COVID NAMES:
Little Bitty Covid
Sneaky Covid
Long Dong Covid
Long Tall Covid
Bubonic Covid
Milquetoast Covid (not to be confused with Milk Toast Covid)
Plain Jane Covid
Non-Denominational Covid
Kung Fu Covid
Iran-Contra Covid
Branch Davidian Covid
Sultan of Swat Covid
Virgin Covid
Promiscuous Covid
Smoke ‘Em If You’ve Got ‘Em Covid
Existential Covid
Magnanimous Covid
Miscellaneous Covid
Indifferent Covid
Big Muddy Covid
Lonestar Covid
Covid Cuisine …
Nothing Burger Covid
All-You-Can-Eat Covid
Newman’s Own Covid
Campbell’s Chunky Covid
Extra Crispy Covid
Low-Fat Covid
Covid Au Grauten Covid
Left Over Covid
Mom’s Meatloaf Covid
Spicy Covid
Pioneer Woman Covid
Covid by the Numbers …
747 Covid
007 Covid
8675309 Covid
Covid by Letters and Numbers …
LGBTQ1 Covid
4-H Covid
N-95 Covid
Cinematic Covid …
Full Metal Jacket Covid
Escape to Witch Mountain Covid
The Empire Strikes Back Covid
The Outlaw Josey Wales Covid
Rambo Covid
Red Dawn Covid
Stupid-Is-As-Stupid-Does Covid
Animal Kingdom Covid …
Feline Covid (“CatScratchFever” Covid)
Bovine Covid
Lone Wolf Covid
Elephantiasis Covid
Largemouth Bass Covid
Grasshopper Covid
Spider Covid
Monkey Pox Covid
The Hues of Covid …
Pink Covid
Rainbow Covid
Earth-Tone Covid
Baby Blue (Mask) Covid
A-Covids …
Apocalypse Now Covid (also could be in the cinema category)
Apoplectic Covid
Agnostic Covid
(Sisters of) Alpha Gamma Delta Covid
C-Covids …
Captain Covid
Celebrity Covid
Coach Covid
Cold Beer Covid
Cosa Nostra Covid
Coastal Carolina Covid
X-Covids …
Xenophobic Covid
X-Rated Covid
X-Ray Covid
X-Men Covid
Author’ comment: There’s more X-Covids than one might have thought.
V-Covids ….
Vaccinated Covid
Vampire Covid
Vendetta Covid
Z-Covids …
Z-Pak Covid
Zesty Covid
Musical Covid …
Funky Cold Medina Covid
Devil With a Blue Dress Covid
For the Benefit of Mr. Kite Covid
Werewolves of London Covid
Big Bopper Covid
You Ain’t Nothing But a Hound Dog Covid
Give Peace a Chance Covid
It’s a Small World After All Covid
Old Blue Eyes Covid
Sexy Sadie Covid
Literary Covid …
Prairie Home Companion Covid
Catcher in the Rye Covid
Lolita Covid
World According to Garp Covid
1984 Covid
TV Covid …
Happy Days Covid
Jump-the-Shark Covid
Stranger Things Covid
Twilight Zone Covid
Night Stalker Covid
Dateline Covid
Dynasty Covid
The Price is Right Covid
Marcus Welby, M.D. Covid
Six Million Dollar Man Covid
Love Boat Covid
Horshack Covid
Keeping Up with the Kardashians Covid
Geographic Covid …
Wuhan Flu Covid
Jersey Turnpike Covid
If-It-Plays-in-Peoria Covid
Snake River Canyon Covid
City of Lights Covid
Rock City Covid
Receding Glacier Covid
Smuteye Covid
***
… At some point I had to stop …Cease and Desist Covid.
Oh, and these two …
Until-Next-Time Covid.
Good Night Covid.
Re-boot Covid!
I worry about "Covid, the Sequel."
I could have gone on forever.
I just read Euggypius's latest article, which made me think of Redacted Covid ... which made me think of Transparent Covid.
In an earlier version I had "Kunta Kinta Covid," but i thought that might be Politically Incorrect Covid and they don't really have much Covid in Africa, where Kunta Kinta came from.
I should have added: "PCR Test Covid" ... which is really Every Covid.
In the Cuisine section, I might have added "Low-Carb Covid."