I was accused of being rude at Good Times …
If I was, I’m not apologizing.
Note: Today I’m going to borrow an essay technique I learned from my Substack buddy Mark Oshinskie. I’m going to share an anecdote from my daily life and then try to show how lessons from this event apply to the macro “real world.”
The Anecdote:
Yesterday, my wife and I chaperoned a birthday party for our 9-year-old son, Jack, at a local business called “Good Times,” a business that features bowling alleys, arcade games and food and drink for patrons.
I think everyone enjoyed a good time, especially the ten children who attended the birthday party. However, one event soured my good time and made me think of bigger lessons that apply to the world.
About 30 minutes before the party ended, I went to the bar to close-out our food-and-beverage tab.
When I left the birthday party proper and went to the bar, I couldn’t get any service. Holding my credit card above my head, I waited and waited for someone to notice me and give me some customer service.
The bar island wasn’t particularly busy as only about five customers were sitting at the bar. I saw three different workers behind the bar, but none of these workers ever came up to me and asked me how they could help.
Recognizing the workers seemed busy with other tasks, I just stood there and waited … I waited five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes … After about 25 minutes, I’d waited as long as as I could and finally piped up.
I caught the eye of one worker doing something with the cash register and said loud enough where it’d be impossible she couldn’t hear me:
“Miss, I’ve been standing here 25 minutes. I’d like some service.”
The tone of my voice and the decibel level of my declarative sentences made all the workers and the few people sitting at stools stop what they were doing and take notice of me.
One of these patrons was a lady sitting in the bar stool to my left. This lady took offense at my statement and immediately said (paraphrasing from memory):
“Sir, these workers are very busy. They are doing the very best they can. They will get to you as soon as they can. You are being rude.”
For better or worse, sometimes I simply can’t stop myself from saying what I really think.
“Lady,” I replied, “I’ve been standing here for 25 minutes being as polite as I can. Not getting any service for 25 minutes might not bother you and you might never make a comment that might be perceived as impolite … but I’m not one of these people … Me and you are different.”
***
While we were sharing our differing viewpoints, I couldn’t help but notice the response of another couple sitting at the bar watching and listening to this exchange. They were probably thinking, “Wow.These people are now getting into it.”
I couldn’t tell if the patrons in the peanut gallery supported my view or the conclusion of my debating partner, but I had the sense they also viewed me as the guilty party here.
My epiphany about the “real-world” lesson flowing from this exchange was stated in my first rejoinder.
IMO, I was right - two types of people do exist in the world: Those who hold their tongue and never say anything when they think they are being harmed or inconvenienced by shoddy service and those, like myself, who, at some point, are going to speak-up.
I inherited this quality from my late father …
Here I should note this is not the first time I’ve caused aghast looks from strangers when I was unable to refrain from similar outbursts (usually for the same reason).
My late father was exactly the same. I admit as a child wanting to crawl under a restaurant table when Dad would express his frustration at shoddy service.
In retrospect, Dad was just like me. He’d wait silently, patiently and politely for many minutes, until he’d finally “snap” and tell a waitress or business manager he’d had enough.
I admit they’re might be better ways to handle such situations and I need to work on this, but in my defense, most of the time I have a (rare) “snap event,” it’s because I didn’t even have the opportunity to “politely” tell a server I wasn’t pleased with my service.
For example, with my Good Times example, I would have told a server something like, “I know you’re busy, but I have been standing here for 15 minutes and would like a little service when you get the chance.”
But nobody even came within five feet of me to allow me to issue such a “first-warning.”
In my contrarian view, certain (seemingly oblivious) employees and/or their managers need to be made aware a small percentage of paying customers are NOT going to remain silent and tolerate being ignored for extended periods of time.
The Big Picture Analogy …
In thinking about this anecdote today, my main source of frustration isn’t with the “help,” but with the response of the fellow customer who was, in effect, saying customers should never reprimand the help.
In thinking of the Big Picture, I couldn’t help but think of the Covid lockdowns when the “help” at hospitals (doctors, nurses and orderlies) never had to deal with loved ones who sit with patients during hospital stays.
Everyone reading this essay can probably cite 15 examples when a child or parent was a hospital patient who, in the view of loved ones, was being ignored by hospital staffers or some important information wasn’t being acted upon.
At such points, I know I’ve walked to the nurse’s station and told whatever unfortunate person was at this place, “Get your ass to my mother’s room right now.” (Sometimes one adds coarser language … for maximum effect).
In healthcare settings, the patient often can’t speak for themselves or isn’t thinking clearly and needs an “advocate” sitting in the room with them.
Maybe nobody’s coming when the patient pushes the service button or maybe some persistent symptom or adverse reaction hasn’t raised any red flags with the “experts” … but definitely has with the sick patient or her loved ones.
Still, it occurs to me that many people will just grimace and bear it - not wanting to “cause a scene,” bother the “busy” nurses or be perceived as questioning the wisdom of the professional staff.
My even-bigger take-away is that most people will just go along with shoddy service - or never question the experts; they’ll just comply and obey and take it - lest they get labeled as being “rude.”
One lesson from this real-life story …
Every story has a denouement and the conclusion to this anecdote might impart an important life lesson.
Within 45 seconds of my “outburst, a worker behind the bar magically appeared and did let me close my tab and provided me the “to-go” plate I requested.
I don’t know how long I would have been there if I hadn’t spoken up - probably at least 15 more minutes.
In a detail I didn’t share with my debating partner, the only reason I became a tad put-out is that the 25 minutes I was standing at the bar was keeping me from helping my wife at the kids’ birthday party.
To me, it was “rude” I wasn’t available to help my wife serve pizza, cookie cake, return bowling shoes to the front desk and 10 other duties associated with staging a bowling alley birthday party with 10 high-energy 3rd graders.
While I sat there twiddling my thumbs being polite … My wife was having to do all these tasks by herself.
But my epiphany is that most Americans would agree with the lady to my left (literally and symbolically) - I was the Bad Guy here.
For fear of being labeled as “rude,” too often too many citizens tolerate poor service … or yield to experts or authorities who really don’t have our best interest at heart. In these cases, the world would benefit if so many people weren’t so reticent about speaking up.
One’s mind wanders while one’s being patient …
For some reason while I was twiddling my thumbs waiting for some service, I thought of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s statement that 70 percent of Americans are now obese or overweight.
While waiting to settle my tab, I glanced around at the 100 or so people enjoying themselves at tables, bowling lanes and arcade games.
Yep, 70 percent is probably a conservative estimate, I thought to myself.
When I was 9, I also attended a few birthday parties at bowling alleys. Five decades ago, I don’t think 10 percent of people were obese or overweight.
So … something (very alarming) changed.
***
This change probably happened, in part, because people are too polite to criticize the changes that made the fattening of America possible.
In thinking about the work I do as a Contrarian Substack author, it occurs to me that just about every article I write could be perceived as rude.
“Hey, this isn’t good,” I write. Also, I’m not exactly shy about pointing fingers at guilty parties.
The response I typically get from people who don’t think like me (people who don’t read Substack) is: You’re being rude. You shouldn’t say things like this. These people don’t deserve your criticism.
To which my reply is the same as the one I gave the lady to my left at the Good Times’ bar: Madam, I am not like you.
***
(But I am glad Jack had a good time at his birthday party … and I’m also glad Jack and his mother didn’t see this 60-second debate on the two types of people that exist in this world.)
I wonder how many hospital patients (and nursing home residents) died during the Covid lock-downs because they were denied loved ones who could advocate for them.
The figure is probably stunning.
I was hospitalized in 2021 after having major surgery that brought me close to death. One night in the hospital i was throwing up and frantically rang the help button. After waiting about 20 minutes, i got out of bed and PULLING my IV pole behind me i went out into the hall saying weakly “help me, somebody help me”. I had trouble even finding a nurse then. Hospitals are terrible places. Later i reported this to management and of course nothing happened.